This blog has been a happy place for me for about 3 1/2 years now, but lately it's made me sad to visit it because I haven't had time to keep it up and to make my way around to all of your blogs. This is mostly because of my job. It's been draining my time, energy and emotions since I went back after maternity leave in August, just steadily wearing me down. And I didn't want my heaviness to carry over into my little happy place here.
Some of you may not know that I work in another city and my commute is at least an hour each way with traffic. Bad traffic. Sometimes an 18-wheeler will overturn, blocking and shutting down the interstate and it will take me almost 4 hours to get to work or back. (I wish I was exaggerating.) Jaxon is fairly content on my way to work and many times falls back asleep since we have to wake him up at 5:00. But oh my word. The drive home is often miserable.
My parents keep him most days and bring him to me after work. I kind of think he knows that when we switch him from their car to mine, he's going to be stuck there for a while. Recently, he's started melting down immediately and sometimes won't calm down until we get home. An hour later. This kills me. I hate having him upset and not being able to help him. To avoid this, my parents sometimes drive him from their house to ours, which is over an hour away because for whatever reason, he stays more content if he doesn't have to make the switch from their car to mine. It's such a sweet thing for them to do, but not fair to them to have to make that drive so often.
Once Jax and I are home, usually after 5:00, we play until it's time for bath, food and bed. Most nights he's asleep by 6:45. So I'm lucky if I get to spend an hour with my baby on weeknights before I have to feed him and start bedtime. This is not ok with me and has been eating me away inside. I've cried countless tears and beaten myself up for not being with him enough. I miss him so much it hurts, and feel like I'm missing out on some of the most precious moments of his life. Again, not fair to him or me.
To keep a long story short-ish, I went to my boss' boss and basically broke down crying in his office last week, on a day that it took me four hours to get to work. I'd been slowly cracking for months and just hit my breaking point. He must have taken pity on my sorry state, because he's allowing me to cut down to 32 hours a week!! That's a WHOLE DAY every week I get to stay home with my baby!!!!
This isn't the best case scenario for me (a part-time job in my town would be best), but it's definitely a welcome solution until something more perfect comes along. SO, I've been absent and I apologize, and I miss blogging and I miss y'all. My hope is that this day off every week will help me feel a little less stretched thin and maybe give me just enough relief to get back to doing some of the things that make me happy. Like this.
And some of the people who make me happy. Like you.
If you're reading this, thank you. For sticking around, and for still caring. I truly appreciate it!