Not As Hard As I Expected

I used to think that I didn't want this blog to become a "mommy blog," but now that this time in my life has arrived, that seems to be exactly what it's turn into. It might not always be so baby-centric but I've decided that if it is, I'm ok with that. I hope I don't lose any blog friends with this latest direction the blog has taken but I try to write mostly for me, and also for family and friends who are interested in keeping up with our doings- but mostly for me. All of you wonderful friends I've made along the way are just the icing on my cake!

 I've been wanting to write about some issues that go along with being a new mom and share a little of my experience with each. So in no particular order:

Emotions

I heard so much about baby blues and postpartum depression during my pregnancy that I thought for sure I'd be affected by them in some way. I braced myself for the first two weeks of my son's life (at the very least), when I was sure I'd be a wreck, crying at the drop of a hat and feeling completely overwhelmed emotionally. However, I'm happy to say that this wasn't the case at all. I'm one of the lucky few who somehow managed to avoid the emotional upheaval that so many women experience after childbirth. There were two times I can think of in the first two weeks that I cried from sheer exhaustion, absolutely positive that I would never ever again in my whole entire life sleep for more than two hours in a row. Other than those times (and a few episodes with nursing that I'll get into more later), the only tears I've cried have been happy ones (often brought on by A Baby Story and the Pampers commercials about every baby being a miracle- which, by the way, is totally true).

Sleeping

Apart from those first two weeks, this actually hasn't been as hard as I was expecting it to be. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had what I would consider a good night's sleep in months, but I'm not dragging through my days exhausted the way I thought I would be- at least not most days.

My biggest secret is having a husband who's a high school teacher and baseball coach and therefore has summers (kind of) off of work. He still had summer ball to take care of in May and June (practices and games) but even then, he was usually home in the mornings and has been able to help me with middle of the night feedings using bottles that I pump.

Though they're not consecutive, many nights I'm able to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep which, though not optimal, is actually close to what I was getting on weeknights before Jaxon arrived. I do have moments of longing for a stretch of time when I could just lie down and sleep and not have anything in the world that I had to wake up for. But I figure I'll get that in about 18 years when Jaxon heads off to college (add a few years if we have more children).

Breastfeeding

Certain aspects of this are much harder than I thought they would be- mostly the physical part of it. Um, no one bothered to tell me how much it HURTS! The first 2 or 3 weeks were the worst. I would literally cringe when I realized it was almost time to feed my baby again and several times I broke down and cried as he ate. It literally got to the point where it felt like he was using razor blades on my boobs. The good news is that after the first few weeks things got immensely better. I'm still sore at times but it's so much better than the pain at the beginning, that it's hardly something I can or will complain about.

Another aspect I wasn't quite prepared for was the amount of time I would spend feeding him, especially in the first few weeks. I didn't exactly grasp what feeding a baby every 2-3 hours entails. Now I get it.

I've always known that breastfeeding is best for babies so I wanted to give it my best shot. I am by no means against formula and think it's up to each set of parents to decide what works best for them and their baby. Thankfully, breastfeeding came pretty naturally to both me and Jaxon (especially after one helpful phone call with a lactation consultant), and he has been mostly breastfed since he was born. There have been a few times when I didn't have any milk pumped and we were either out and unable to nurse or I was desperate to sleep through a feeding and I had JD give him some formula. I'm totally ok with this. And to be quite honest, I get a teeny bit annoyed when moms brag about their babies never having an ounce of formula in their life, like it's a badge of honor or something. But that's just me.

One thing I need some major practice with is nursing in public. On the few occasions when it's been necessary so far, I've been able to hide in my car using a blanket but when the need arises for me to actually pop a boob out in a public place, I'm gonna be up a creek without a paddle if I don't do some practicing at home first. I have one nursing cover but so far it seems like more trouble than it's worth. Maybe I just don't have the hang of it yet. I've seen so much of my boobs in the last couple of months that I'm basically immune to them at this point. It probably wouldn't bother me in the least if I happened to accidentally flash a stranger but I suppose for the stranger's sake I should try to learn how to keep them under wraps.

We have had some issues with blood in Jax's stools and there's a slight chance that his doctor could ask us to switch to a special formula but we're going to do everything we can to avoid that. My goal is to breastfeed him his whole first year (which will require a lot of pumping when I go back to work) but honestly, I'm just taking it one day and week at a time. If it's necessary for us to quit before then, I won't beat myself up about it (too much, anyway). I was formula fed and I turned out pretty darn well if I do say so myself! Matter of fact, the only child my mom breastfed was my oldest sister, and she ended up with more health problems than me and my other two sisters combined! Just sayin'.

Pets

We have two dogs (that JD brought into our marriage) and one cat (that I brought into it). I wasn't really concerned about how our golden retriever or cat would adjust to a baby but I was a little worried about our chihuahua. She's easily excited and she does this fast scratching thing with her sharp little claws when she wants attention. I had scary visions of her scratching my baby's eyes out! Fortunately we haven't had issues with any of the animals and, surprising both me and JD, our chihuahua is the one who seems to love Jaxon the most! She's super protective of him. If I'm in another room when he starts crying, she runs in to get me and "brings" me to him. If she's on the couch with us when he cries, she tries to lick his head, toes, whatever she can reach. She often stands guard and watches while he eats. And she now loudly barks when people she doesn't know come by the house (before, I had heard her bark maybe twice in her life). The other two animals are sometimes curious about Jaxon but for the most part, they're indifferent. I'm so thankful we didn't have any adjustment issues to deal with!

Clothes

One aspect of breastfeeding that I never gave much thought to was access. Namely, nursing bras (also known as The Most Unsexy Bras Ever Known To Mankind) and nursing-friendly tops (that are easy to pull down or up, don't wrinkle easily, and have enough coverage to hide The Most Unsexy Bras Ever Known To Mankind). Add nursing access to my issues with the post-baby body I've been "blessed" with, and getting dressed in the mornings has been brought to a whole new level of cray-cray. The options in my closet are severely diminished and --I'm about to say something I never thought I'd hear myself say-- clothes shopping has lost much of it's luster. So far, my best and least stressful option has been maxi dresses with thicker straps, or strapless ones over a tank. They're super comfortable, easy to pull down, and very forgiving around the enlarged pooch that my son so sweetly left for me. Which brings me to my last new-mama issue...

Weight

As much as I grumbled about having gestational diabetes, I'm completely convinced that the stupid diet I was required to stick to is what I have to thank for only gaining 26 pounds (9 of which were baby) during my pregnancy. It sure didn't have anything to do with exercise! By the time Jaxon was 2 weeks old, I'd lost about 19 or 20 of those and I haven't lost a single pound since. Six or seven extra pounds might not sound like a lot but I think they're very noticeable on my frame, mostly in that pooch area I mentioned.

I'm trying to decide if I want to do anything to try to lose those last several pounds or if I want to just accept the fact that this is my new "mommy body." I'm currently leaning toward the latter. And on good days I just tell myself that at least three or four of those pounds have to be in my new "mommy boobs!" I haven't done a lick of exercise (I'm talking not even a measly walk around the block) since Jax was born but maybe lugging around a 15 pound baby kinda counts as a workout? No? I guess I do need to get my butt in gear and do something. Bah.

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Overall I have to say that the first couple of months of being a mom have not been as hard as I thought they would be. I think a lot of it has to do with a person's attitude and expectations (the same thing I thought about pregnancy). I feel like I mentally prepared myself ahead of time for the fact that life would be totally different with a baby and that parenting will always be a learning process. I expect there to be times when I'm frustrated or exhausted or unsure or even feel like a bit of a failure, but it's totally ok for that to happen once in a while! There are far more times when I feel incredibly blessed, fulfilled, overflowing with love, and like I might actually be doing a pretty darn good job at this whole mama business!